Seeking a neutral opinion on a chat I had with a friend

Friendships, relationships, friendlationships, and interpersonal men's issues.
musicmonkey
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Seeking a neutral opinion on a chat I had with a friend

Unread postby musicmonkey » Sat Dec 20, 2008 9:48 pm

Hello fellows,

I'd like a neutral opinion on a chat I had tonight with a friend. If I'm in the wrong here, don't hesitate to let me know. My friendship with this fellow is important to me, I've known him for at least 4 or 5 years but there is constant friction. Months, even an entire year has gone by where we did not speak because of a misunderstanding and/or unwillingness to apologize, etc. Your feedback would be appreciated.

Friend: i'm outta here in about 20, so what's up

me: what do you mean?

Friend: you asked me earlier If i was going to be on later. I assumed you had more

me: more what?

Friend: to discuss

me: are you okay?

Friend: yeah

me: so why the weeks of silence?

friend: was spending too much time chatting online in general. google, yahoo, facebook. needed to refocus

me: okay, as long as we're cool then

Friend: as far as I know.

me: well your silence immediately followed my answering your quesiton on FB and you never replied to any of my messages

Friend: i don't even remember what you're referencing on facebook.

me: you asked "what do you really think about gwb" and then deleted my answer

Friend: what's gwb

me: george w. bush, and then you never replied to any of my emails

Friend: ehh.

me: you don't remember that?

Friend: yeah, but no biggie

me: lol, well from my perspective you were (a) pissed off and deleted my answer (b) supremely pissed off and ignoring my emails for weeks. can you see how i might feel that way?

Friend: well, things are fine.

me: but can you see how i might feel that way?

Friend: well its certainly one of many ways someone might view the situation

me: so you never got any of my emails about it? i repeatedly said, "why are you not replying, is something bothering you", i felt i was being 100% clear, and aside from not reading my emails, i can not see how you might think i viewed the situation otherwise

Friend: well, again, things are fine

me: did you read my emails?

Friend: David, we don't need to spend 20 minutes hashing through this.

me: you're right, i wish you'd just answer my question rather than avoiding it. did you read my emails or not? simple yes/no will suffice

Friend: i probably did, I don't remember them honestly.

me: honestly?

Friend: yes

me: okay then, i've probably taken enough of your time, thanks and have a good night

Friend: so I came back on here just for you to interrogate me for 15 minutes about emails? you have nothing substantive to talk about, considering you asked earlier if I would be around? well all that came off more aggressive than I intended, but the core point stands.

me: sorry if i came across as interrogating you [insert friend's name here], i thought you were ignoring me for nearly 2 months, my mistake

Friend: David, you always take it personal. I don't get it. It's hard for me to sympathize with that, because I don't necessarily understand that perspective. i have other friends and we go through similar cycles, but people get busy, distracted, need a break. it's no biggie. we just pick up where we left off.

me: lol, if i don't reply to my client's emails within 48 hours they phone me and ask me if i received them. it's common sense

Friend: that's clients

me: well you were helping me with clients. i don't even have your new phone number to call you in the case of an emergency, plus, it started the day i posted about george bush - you deleted my comments and then didn't reply to my emails for weeks. i think any sane person would come to the same conclusion

Friend: i've had the same phone number for 3.5 years.

me: well i never had your phone number since you moved

Friend: yes you did. you've left me messages before

me: how long ago? i lost my cellphone at the beach 2 summers ago

Friend: oh i dunno then.

me: well i don't have it

Friend: but now it's 11:30 and time for me to go.

me: alright. friendships, like business relationships and even marriages require good comunication, friend. may we both make an effort to communicate better in 2009

michael
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Re: Seeking a neutral opinion on a chat I had with a friend

Unread postby michael » Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:04 am

David,

I can tell you, it appears to me that you were communicating very clearly and directly with your friend in this situation. I don't think you were taking things "too personal" as he alleged. You were merely using "I messages" expressing how you felt.

It sounds like this friend is really not that committed to being totally honest with you, for whatever reason.

Sorry, man. That is just the way it appears to me..

Michael
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